Red and green and blue are safely locked in my head. Night returns with disease and obsession, obsessions. I draw a line on a dirty piece of paper. There is nothing on either side but I have created a boundary. I don’t feel any safer.
He walks to the back of the house without great conviction, out the back door to look at the alley. The painkiller makes his vision flicker around the edges. Painkillers are a gift from God when they are needed, and they are needed tonight.
The red is the blood. The green is the money. The blue is the sky. I think about a bourbon. That will surely put me away. I like the sound of ice cubes hitting the lead crystal rock glass. The red is the blood, the poison river, always escaping, falling, splashing.
He doesn’t try to count the city lights. There are too many and he dislikes them all. They hide the stars. He wanders rather than walking because he has no destination in mind. He breathes a word that only he understands. He exhales it.
I touch the steel because it is blue. I touch the skin because it is red. I touch the earth because it is green, but that is all. I am unavailable. Disconnect the phone because I know the danger. A song plays in my head that I don’t like.
He lights another cigarette and inhales deeply. Smoke trickles out of his mouth and nose, slowly, erotically. The smoke curls up around his face and into his hair. He pulls an old book from the shelf. Without even looking at the title, he begins to read.
This was our Saturday, at KLOU Bowman Field. This is my home field. I live about three miles from here. You will find a significant number of flights in and out of KLOU in VAFS. "Thunder Over Louisville" is part of the Kentucky Derby Festival and it is half air show and half fireworks. We rode our bikes over to the field to watch the planes. A member of the Vintage Warbirds invited us into their hanger. It was a magical day. Here are some pics.
Between young and old,
black and white,
rich and poor —
Between right and left,
gay and straight,
man and woman —
Between Inside and outside,
thought and feeling,
dreaming and waking —
Between now and then,
yesterday and today,
today and tomorrow —
Between them and us,
you and me
We need to build more bridges.
August 19, 2014
Listening for a song, and the quiet
is so hard to find.
The song would seep from my DNA
like an enzyme,
or fall from the stars like dew.
The song would settle like dust
on my bookshelf,
or form like a painful scab
on my skin.
It would be about everything,
and nothing at all,
heroism and trivia,
rage and lust,
entropy and boredom —
Listening for a song.
– July 7, 2014 –
I had a particular mission in mind when I went shopping for a new bike. It needed to have fenders for bad weather operation because I ride all through the year. It needed to have swept back handlebars and some padding in the saddle for an upright riding position and comfort because my road bike was giving me inflammation in my shoulders, elbows and lower back due to some of the rough roads and alleys that I travel. It needed to have fairly wide tires for both the lousy weather and the rough roads mentioned above. It needed to have cargo capacity because I run as many errands as I can on my bike. Also, it needed to look good and have quality construction. Additionally, local factory certified support is important to me. I needed a high quality commuter bike that ran well, did the job, looked good and was comfortable. I did a lot of shopping and comparing. I went to every shop in town and looked at models and prices. There was one bike of the many I saw that captured my imagination: The Trek Allant.
The Allant is an elegant European styled commuter. The color is a dark gray with a brown leather saddle. The logos, decorative decals and other markings are tastefully understated. There isn’t a screaming 600-point manufacturer banner ad on the down tube. Trek puts their logo on the frame on the forward area of the top tube so it doesn’t feel as if one is riding a sandwich board advertisement. The frame of the Allant is made of Trek’s “Alpha Silver Aluminum Alloy.” I don’t have a clue as to what that is, but it is light without being excessively rigid. The front fork is chrome molybdenum steel which provides a bit of flex to the frame to smooth out the bumps. I have often heard it said that aluminum frames are rigid and transfer more road shock to the rider than steel frames do. Perhaps it is the alloy that Trek uses for the Allant, but I don’t notice the Trek feeling any rougher than my steel bike.
The drive train is the ubiquitous Shimano 21-speed indexed shifting transmission. I could live without it, but it seems to be what everyone wants these days. It is geared low so it climbs well and deals with poor surface conditions well. The tires are medium wide Bontrager H2 Hard-Case Lite, reflective, 700x35c. Other niceties include the Bontrager Satellite Elite lock-on ergonomic grips which are really comfortable, Bontrager Interchange rear rack, full-coverage color-matched fenders, and alloy kickstand.
I have read the criticism of this bike that it is not “fast.” To this critique I have some advice and comment: put it in high gear and pedal faster. You will find that it is fairly quick, but it isn’t as fast as my old 12-speed road bike. If you’re planning to enter the local triathlon, don’t buy this bike. Anyone who buys this bike for speed has been poorly served by their advisors. Buy this bike if you want a comfortable, high quality commuter that looks great and carries a really attractive price tag.
This is a lifestyle bike. It is designed for a person who will spend a lot of time on the bike. I have become seriously engaged with the idea of doing as much on my bike and as little in my car as I can do. I don’t want a single dinosaur to die for my sins. I do believe that automobile culture is reaching a breaking point. There are too many cars and they cost too much to buy and operate. Already, there seems to be more cars than the streets and highways can comfortably handle. There is a finite amount of space available for streets and highways, and we are already finding the limits of that capacity, especially in the urban areas. Alternative forms of transportation of which the bicycle is one, can help to relieve the overcrowding of our streets and highways.
Utility is part of the mission description for this bike. The rule is that all errands get run on the bike as long as time and weather make it possible. There are situations for me when I have to take the car due to time constraints and weather conditions. I’m not crazy. When I need to use the car, I use it, but when a particular trip or errand is possible on the bike, I do it on the bike. This rule makes me healthier, happier, richer, and saner. I have Bongo Bros. grocery bags that clip to the cargo rack and I do as much grocery shopping as possible on the bike. I also have a clip-on briefcase carrier for my laptop so I can hang it onto the bike and drive to a coffee shop to work in a different atmosphere if I desire it. I have found that this can stimulate creativity at times.
Part of the charm of this bike is that, with its fenders, great saddle and swept back handlebars, it is the “super bike” that I always wanted as a kid. Of course, it didn’t exist then. The aluminum alloy frame and space-age Shimano 21-speed shifters waited many years in the future when I was twelve. Still, the look and feel of the bike has a way of transporting me back to that younger me who sailed the streets of my childhood on a two-wheeler. I love that feeling. It has been said many times before, going back to Susan B. Anthony, but the bicycle has an almost magical capacity to impart a sense of freedom to its riders.
The price of this bike deserves a mention. In a day when “entry level” bicycles are running $1200 and up, my total cost with taxes and couple of accessories was just under $650. Bicycles have become really expensive and I suppose that value is in the eye of the buyer, but paying $4K or so for a bicycle just hits me the wrong way. Part of the charm of the Allant is that it is a really top quality bicycle for a really reasonable price. Perhaps it is the style – it doesn’t look like a bike that will run the Tour De France – but the bike is a terrific value.
Does it accomplish the mission? Yesterday I did 12 miles on it and today I did 14 miles and these 60-year-old arms, legs and back feel great. I love this bike. I am finding that I can do more miles on this bike than I ever could on my old road bike. It is more comfortable and less tiring. When I finish a long ride, I don’t hurt. The old road bike, as much as I loved it, was giving me inflammation and pain in my elbows and shoulders. The Trek Allant has made all of that pain and inflammation go away. I can report that I am averaging twice as many miles per week on the new bike than I could do on the old road bike. The pain in my elbows and shoulders is a distant memory. I am doing almost all of my grocery shopping on the bike due to its cargo rack and the Bongo Bros. Grocery Bags I bought to go with it. It took a few weeks to get used to the indexed shifters, but I have now, and I use them. So, to the mission question, the answer is yes, it is the bike that I wanted and it fulfills my expectations. I would buy it again.
I think I was five when I got my first bicycle, a beautiful blue thing with training wheels. I couldn’t wait to get the training wheels off, but it took me a couple of crashes to get that whole “pedal and balance” thing down, but I got it. Once I got going, I must have ridden a million miles on the dusty streets of Texas as I was growing up.
In 1960, my dad saved up 45 silver dollars and bought me a “Western Flyer” 24” bike. It was a beautiful thing with a red and white frame and a battery operated head light. It had chrome fenders. It was a great bike, if a bit heavy, but I wish I had those 45 silver dollars today – they would buy a lot of bicycles. I rode that bike for about eight years. Back in the day, we rode our bikes to school when the weather wasn’t too bad. I wish I knew how many miles I put on that bike. It went through a lot of changes. It lost the basket, fenders and headlight. It acquired a “banana seat” and high rise handle bars which were all the rage when I was in the eighth grade.
In my freshman year of high school, my folks bought me a Schwinn 5-speed. It was blue and chrome, heavy like all the Schwinns of that era, but it was a lovely bike. I ended up leaving it in Tennessee when I left Maryville College after a difficult first year there. My dad was pissed off about that. The biggest problem with that bike was not the weight, but that I had gotten a drivers’ license and cars were just a whole lot more interesting. I was without a bicycle for the next eight years.
In 1980, I bought a matched set of Nishiki Olympic 12 bicycles, one for me and one for my bride. These were very high quality Japanese road bikes assembled of the best components which were designed to compete with the Raleighs, Schwinns, Bianchis and Peugeots. They had light chrome molybdenum frames, 12-speed SunTour derailleurs and other quality components. These bikes were so good that in 2013, I am still riding mine and it has never needed repair.
Back in the day, we called this style of bike an “English racer.” Today, they are simply called “road bikes” or “touring bikes.” We rode them to train for high altitude backpacking trips in the Rockies. When we taught our kids how to ride bikes, these were the ones that we rode, leading the kids like ducklings on their little training bikes. Then the kids got drivers’ licenses and we got dogs that needed to be walked, so the bikes began to gather dust in the garage. Sadly, the dogs passed their time in our lives and are gone. In the meantime, I developed glucose intolerance, and my doctor told me that I needed to get a minimum of thirty minutes a day of aerobic exercise if I want to stay off diabetes medication. At first, I just walked my thirty minutes, but I kept walking past those dusty bikes in the garage. Finally, one day in the late summer, I hauled the Nishiki out into the backyard and washed it off with a garden hose. The old sparkle emerged from beneath the dusty patina. I found an ancient bottle of bike lube and oiled the chain and derailleur sprockets. The last step to make the faithful steed roadworthy was to bring the tires up to 90 PSI. My lower back wasn’t wild about that job.
My first tentative test ride after the long layoff was simply to ride the bike up the alley behind my house. The alley has a slight incline and my calves and thighs immediately reminded me that I was no longer fourteen. This was going to take some work, but already the sensation of gliding through the air silently was casting its spell. It would take some work, but it would be worth it.
I returned to my bicycle purely for health reasons – to lower blood sugar, reduce blood pressure, and improve heart and lung function. To be honest, I expected it to be a chore, mentally interesting perhaps, but physically uncomfortable and difficult. I don’t think of myself as any kind of natural athlete. Yes, I have backpacked the Rockies and the Appalachian mountains, played football in high school, am an expert swimmer and rode bikes from my childhood, but I was never in any danger of being drafted by the Yankees or the Patriots. As a child I had asthma and it seemed like I was sick a lot. The physical things I did, I did by strength of will because I wanted to do them. I have never been one of those who found great joy in physical exertion for its own sake.
The part I didn’t count on was how good the bicycle riding would make me feel. A bike ride of three miles or more – not very far – will give me a warm glowy feeling. I suppose it results from the increased oxygen levels and the release of endorphins. Endorphins are described as “endogenous morphine” which is “released during exercise, excitement, pain, spicy food consumption, love, and orgasm.” After a good ride, I feel like I have taken some wonderful, perfect tranquilizer, but without any drug overhead. I have the proverbial “sense of well-being” while being acutely aware of my muscles and body. I have lost so much weight that I had to have my suits taken in. That’s great for the self image. The bike is good for the body and the mind.
The streets have changed. There are a lot more cars on the street, and many people drive them way too fast. With the smart phone craze, there are a lot of distracted drivers, and I am sure that there are many more who are under the influence of substances. It’s easy to see why so many cyclists are drawn to off-road and cross country riding. It’s nice when you don’t have to worry about being run down by a car. I like to ride the streets and run errands on my bike when I can. A lot of my mental work in cycling surrounds the charting of routes that avoid the crush of automobile traffic. I have added lights to my bikes to increase my visibility to drivers and I use them even during the daytime. I buy riding clothes in bright, electric colors – yellow, chartreuse, and orange – to further enhance my visibility. Even with these precautions, I do not assume that drivers will see me. Most do, and they treat me well on the road, but it only takes one distracted or impaired driver to ruin your day, and perhaps your life. I take nothing for granted.
My hiatus from the bike caused me to miss much of the political movement that has developed around cycling. More people than ever are using bicycles for primary transportation, and cycling sports have reached a high level of development. BMX, cycle cross, mountain biking and triathlon have really come into their own during the past couple of decades, these taking their place alongside traditional bicycle racing. All of these sport and utility riders have formed advocacy groups that have pushed for greater access to the roads, more bike lanes, bike parking and similar accommodations for bicycles. It’s a different world for cycling these days.
I’m sympathetic with the issues which have grown up around the new bicycle movement. Driving a car used to be fun; now it’s an exercise in Darwinian selection. I have driven a car long enough to have a sense of the increasing automobile congestion on our streets and highways. Unless something changes, our cities are quickly approaching the point of daily gridlock in which streets will become impassable due to the volume of motor vehicles. Obesity has become an epidemic in our culture. Heart disease is a top killer. Diabetes is also becoming epidemic. Regular bicycle riding reduces blood sugar, strengthens the heart, reduces weight and increases blood oxygen levels. All of this contributes to overall health and reduces health care costs. Bicycles don’t burn fuel, saving money and improving the environment. Since 1899, almost 3.5 million Americans have died in automobile crashes. That’s more than all the fatalities we have suffered in all of our wars. There are many good reasons to reduce our use of automobiles. The political and ecological arguments for the bicycle have nothing to do with my choice to return to it.
My rediscovered love for the bicycle, that lovely device which lay dormant in my garage for a decade, is rooted in the way the bike makes me feel, what it does for my body, and the way it opens up my mind. It is a purely sensual sort of thing.